im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
soo... how was my night?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
