ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
