My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
