super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
why is half of my head shaved?
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