I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
