I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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