just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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