I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
