he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
