i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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