I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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