well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
