oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We need a shit load of segways right now
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
This toilet bowl is my home.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
