I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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