I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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