I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
