ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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