If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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