I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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