In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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