apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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