Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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