why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
NoShamevember. You game?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
