im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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