i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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