hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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