Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
