He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
