RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
