No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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