I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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