I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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