Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Tell her she can't have a vagina
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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