Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
God, I missed his penis.
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