The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
