There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
