You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
