haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
this just has baby written all over it
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
