he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
