at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
