The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
