I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
