she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
