I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
