i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Randomize
