my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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