Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
