Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
