Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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