Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
