i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Let's get the cat blown out
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
