I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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