tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So I just went to clothing optional bar
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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