pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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